Maybe it was after New Year, maybe it was after your birthday or maybe it was after your relationship came to an end… Whatever might have been the trigger, you decided a while ago that you wanted to transform your physique by ditching your old bad habits and replacing them with new ones that will lead to a better looking, more confident and healthier version of yourself.
Over are the days of spending your lazy ass on the coach all day, binge-watching Netflix while gorging on popcorn, chocolate and ice cream. Gone are the days where you must buy larger pants each month because your waist is ballooning up and gone are the days of waking up and feeling disgust and shame when you look at yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning.
Even though making the change required discipline and character, you managed to stick to your new healthy habits of eating quality, nutritious foods, to working out religiously a couple of times per week, every week and getting enough sleep. Not only do your new habits pay off by making you feeling more confident, looking better and performing better in all aspects of life, you don’t need the motivation or discipline anymore that you first needed to get started because you’ve made a habit out of doing these productive things and don’t need to think about it consciously anymore.
However, after doing things perfectly and consistently for so long, you spend a night out with friends, and you’ve had a couple of drinks too much. You can’t resist eating a couple of chips that’s waving at you and throw two slices of that pizza as well. You start feeling a bit guilty and your mind gets the best of you. Since you’ve already screwed up in your mind and have lost control, you say F!#k it and you let yourself go. What initially started with one beer ended up in 16 beers and before you realize it, you and your buddies just boosted the burger and fries economy by ordering a ridiculous amount of food that would feed half of the local homeless population. Worst thing of all is, when you thought it couldn’t be done, you did. Everything has been devoured and found its way right into your stomach.
The next day you wake up hungover feeling like shit. The hangover is one thing, your upset stomach is another. The worst consequence of your prestigious night out is the feeling of guilt that haunts you. You’ve been working so hard to get on the right track and to alter your habits, only for you to ruin it, at least that’s what your mind is thinking. The guilt lingers in the back of your head for several days or even weeks. As a result, you feel incredibly bad and put yourself down. Heck, even your self-worth taking a hit just for losing control just once.
If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. I used to be like this myself. Once I put my mind to something, I am one rock solid piece of focus and dedication. I get into a mental zone where I am focused on my goal. In the past, when something goes sideways or didn’t go as I planned it in my head, I used to beat myself up over it and feelings of guilt and shame took me over and haunted my mind because I lost control over myself or a situation. These intense feelings of guilt and shame messed up my mental state of being and ironically caused me to take actions that would sabotage my progress even further. I told myself that I fucked up already and this ended up in my lettings go of any form of self control, resulting in another series of binge eating, causing me to gain more weight in a couple of days that other people would in a couple of weeks of untracked eating. I felt disgusted after these episodes of binging. This phenomenon that I call ‘the cycle of destruction’ is something I was extremely ashamed of and didn’t dare to share with other people.
However, to my surprise, I came in contact with a lot of people, especially men, who undergo the exact same thing as I did, albeit with their own twists to it. Both through online and real life interactions with people who are on a quest to sculpt their best possible physique and who dedicate a large part of their lives to eating right and working out religiously, I’ve come to realize that there are so many people who deal with psychological issues like this because they did something that they ‘should not have done’ in a perfect world. In a perfect world, according to these people, those who are dedicated to fitness and living a healthy lifestyle always respect the number of calories they eat, eat nutritious, micronutrients rich foods from quality sources that improves their health, they don’t drink alcohol and avoid other things that will ruin their perfect lifestyle. Living rigidly gives you a certain sense of control over your body and over your life, which leads to you feeling safe. Anything that breaks the ‘perfect habit’, has the possibility to wreak havoc on these people’s mental state of being, causing them to lose their sense of control and to take actions that will actually work against them and causing further setbacks to take place. Unrecognized, this can and often does lead to panic and/or anxiety disorders and eating disorders.
DEDICATION VS DISORDER
This phenomenon occurs quite a lot in a male population as well, definitely more than you may realize. This is the point where dedication is no longer dedication. This is the line where dedication becomes a mental health disorder. When people think about eating disorders, the first thing that flashes into our minds are images of anorexic females. However, a lot of men who are actively working on their body or who actively try to improve their health, have mindsets that are going beyond dedication and even are destructive. They go to the extreme ends of the spectrum and beat themselves up for everything that didn’t go according to plan.
In further stages, this breeds obsession. An obsession with living near perfection when it comes to training and nutrition. These people usually start by avoiding social interactions where food comes into play in order not to ruin their diets. This goes further in other areas of their lives and as a result, they lose all sense of pleasure for the fantastic things we can experience in our lifetime. Everything starts revolving around their perfect eating habits, training routines and other health factors such as sleep.
The irony of this is that most men who start working out do so in order to improve their lives, so that they can enjoy it more. They do it to feel healthier, look better, to have better experiences with the opposite sex and lead better lives altogether. Instead, they are trapped and have locked themselves up into the cage of their own mental world and wear horse goggles for reality. This leads to isolation and leading a life of neurotic behavior.
Sadly, friendships, romantic relationships and family ties end up suffering heavily under these conditions. This obsession with a perfect fitness lifestyle even goes so far in many cases, that it even causes people to lose their jobs and sabotage their careers. Now obviously, these are extreme cases, but it happens. When you’ve reached the point where you actively avoid social situations in order to maintain a perfect fitness lifestyle or break relationships with family members, friends or romantic partners for the sake of living the perfect gym lifestyle, the point where you’re sacrificing the most important things in life, then you’ve crossed the line of being dedicated. You’ve become obsessed, anxious and neurotic.
ACCEPT THAT YOU’RE JUST HUMAN
The first thing we should do to avoid becoming a slave to extreme behaviors or in order to escape extreme behaviors if they are already present is to not to be too harsh on ourselves.
Yes, when you want something, you have to be able to put your mind to it. You have to be able to be laser focused on your goals and to take the appropriate actions to achieve your goals. However, what we need to realize is that nobody can stay in ‘beast mode’ or can stay laser sharp focused all the time for the rest of their lives. When you are on the right track, you will operate according to certain habits and will make your life a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s important to realize that even the most motivated hard core beast mode person slips up from time to time. As humans, periods of extreme dedication are always temporary. It’s simply unsustainable to be in hardcore mode and to go over your limits all the time for extended periods of time and after all, the most important thing of all to realize is that you’re just human. Read that again: you are just human.
Humans are imperfect creatures. This means that no matter how strong your will is, your motivation is or your reasons are for doing what you do regarding your health or your physique, you are just human. You will slip up sometimes, you will let yourself go sometimes. Sometimes things will even be outside of your control and you’ll have no other choice than to deviate from the plan. Part of being human is that we can’t be perfect 100% of the time. And you know what? You don’t have to beat yourself up over it.
Realizing your goals in life is a consequence of consistently taking action towards those goals. After a while, these actions will be ingrained in your system and they will become habits that you practice without thinking about it. When it comes to sculpting your ideal physique, things aren’t any different. Your physique transformation will be the result of consistently making progress in your training routine and monitoring your calorie and protein intake. Just like one day of working out or eating healthy won’t have much of a positive effect if you have an overall unhealthy lifestyle, one day of eating bad food or skipping a workout or having a shitty workout will not ruin all your previous hard work and progress if you are on the right track 80-90% of the time. When you are in peace with this truth, you will handle moments of weakness totally different, compared to when you are a slave of irrational fears and unhealthy compulsive behaviors.
People who have a healthy and balanced mindset towards fitness and nutrition and realize that they are imperfect. When they’re dieting down to low levels of body fat, sometimes their body will crave calories and they won’t be able to restrict themselves from time to time. However, if you do splurge and overeat on your calorie requirements, you may as well enjoy it. People who are in good shape accept that they’ve eaten too many calories that day and enjoy it. They also realize that it’s okay from time to time to lose control. The caveat is that the next day, they get back on track with their normal dedicated routines and don’t overthink what happened. They slipped up and deviated from the plan that day, so what? They’ve enjoyed delicious tasting foods and will get back on track the next day, eating how they’re supposed to eat and working out with the proper frequency and intensity. Their healthy habits are their lifestyle. The splurges are the 10% exception to the 90% of times where their action are aligned with their goals.
In contrast to the person with a healthy mindset, the neurotic person will totally freak out about overshooting the amount of calories he’s been eating and will allow his mind to worry constantly about what he can’t undo. Ironically, as a result of this emotional tumult he will lose control and will actually start sabotaging himself by binging on all kinds of calorie dense foods. Instead of accepting that he’s slipped up and enjoying the splurge, he finds himself in a dark, negative state of mind and takes actions that make things way worse than they initially were. He starts binge eating and ends up eating 8000 calories that day. If not delt with properly in his mind, this may go on for a couple of days and he will gain a couple of pounds in just a couple of days, which has him trapped in the cycle of destruction. This is a psychological mess that a lot of people undergo who are dedicated to change their physique.
Yes, you have to be accountable for your actions and take responsibility for the things that are a result of our ‘mistakes’, but within healthy reason. Many people begin their fitness journey with ambitious goals of transforming their physique and for good reason. Getting in shape and rocking a body you’re proud of makes you more confident, healthier and more energetic. It improves your quality of life on multiple levels. However, lots of people are prone to obsessive behaviors and get trapped in toxic mindsets where dedication becomes legitimate anxiety. This is how mental health disorders and eating disorders develop. Surprisingly, countless men are victims of binge eating disorders or orthorexia. Don’t fall into the trap of becoming anxious about not being in control all the time. Good results require the right types of action, dedication and patience. However, when you go off track from time to time because… life happens, handle it in a healthy way. Accept that things didn’t go as planned and hey, if it goes wrong, you can at least enjoy it. Had a drink too much? Ate burgers and fries and an ice cream with your friends or did your grandma make an extra dessert that didn’t fit your macros? My advice: enjoy it! Yes, obviously I advise you to stick to your macros and follow your plan 80-90% of the time, because doing that consistently is what makes the change. But sometimes, life happens. Those moments of enjoyment where you have a good time with your friends or family members that end up being beautiful memories filled with laughter, joy and delicious food. Don’t skip these moments because as human, our time on earth is limited and everything is temporary. The experiences that make our lives beautiful should not be underestimated. Therefore enjoy the beautiful moments that find their way to you, even if it doesn’t perfectly match your fitness lifestyle all the time.
ADOPT A FLEXIBLE AND BALANCED MINDSET
Fitness and achieving an aesthetic physique requires a certain mindset and dedication. It’s not for the faint hearted. However, rocking an amazing body is about enhancing your life and about becoming the best version of yourself. It’s not about being a slave of the gym, absurd nutritional habits or irrational obsessive thoughts and behaviors. While it’s required that you remain dedicated to your goals, I highly suggest you to do so with a balanced and flexible mindset.
As mentioned before, habits create your current reality and your circumstances. If you are in fantastic shape, it’s because you practice good habits 80-90% of the time and do things right the vast majority of the time. Those moments of ‘weakness’ that I like to call, moments of being human, won’t screw up your good results, on condition that you accept your moments of humanity and imperfection. If you let your moments of imperfection rise into your head and let those thoughts marinate their way into your subconscious mind, you will create a cycle of fear and anxiety. A lot of people get trapped in a thing I like to call the ‘cycle of destruction’, where they ironically self-sabotage themselves by binging on huge amounts of food since they’ve already ‘screwed up’ and their anxiety causes them to take irrational actions that set them back a couple of steps of where they were.
Just like an obese person won’t become muscular and ripped overnight by eating and training correctly 10% of the time, a fit person that’s consistent the majority of the time won’t blow up into a while if you splurge occasionally. Therefore, do your best do live up to the nutritional principles you’ve set for yourself and be consistent with the workout plan that is suited for your physique goals the best you possibly can. However, if life gets in the way sometimes due to social situations, work situations or anything that is out of your control, don’t freak out over it. Do the best you can to eat and exercise in accordance with what you want, but if it’s impossible to do so, get back on track as soon as the situation is over.
For example, don’t be the person who doesn’t eat a piece of cake when it’s a close family member’s or close friend’s birthday. Don’t be the guy who ‘feasts’ on boiled chicken breast on what’s supposed to be a wonderful night with family and delicious food called Christmas Eve. You only live once and yes, becoming the best version of yourself physique wise takes discipline and self-control, but please, do not sacrifice all beautiful moments in life because you cannot relive them. Believe me, you will regret the things you’ve missed later on and you can never buy beautiful moments back. Fit that piece of cake into your macronutrients, control your portions on Christmas eve, but if you overshoot your target calories for that day or night, who cares? Get back on track the next day.
Same thing when it comes to workouts. Of course you want to be consistent and stay on track. Consistency is a key necessity to make measurable and consistent progress. However, if you happen to get stuck in traffic and the gym closes or you have a tight deadline for work, your kids require your attention or your wife needs you to be there right now instead of being in the gym or not being able to go to the gym for whatever reason, it’s OK. Obviously you don’t make it a habit of skipping your workouts and giving lame excuses for it just because you don’t feel like it, but if it happens occasionally due to factors that are out of your control or certain responsibilities you have that are more important than the gym, by all means, don’t freak out over this. Your muscles won’t magically melt away if you miss a session or even two sessions… if life gets in the way of you getting your ass to the gym for a good reason or things that are out of your control, just pick up your training routine where you left off the next day.
Again, working out, eating right and all things ‘healthy and productive’ are meant to enhance your life and to allow you to live your life to the fullest. It’s not meant to paralyze you with fear and anxiety that will ironically cause you to sabotage yourself or to become a slave of your irrational thoughts and/or compulsive habits, which will mentally chain you to isolate yourself and not live your life at all. What the point of parading around with an amazing body if you are not able to enjoy your life anymore. Adopting a balanced and flexible approach to fitness will allow you to achieve your physique goals while maintaining a healthy mindset and to enjoy your life to the fullest. Again, this is not a call to invent lame excuses to skip the gym or disregard healthy eating behavior. You are responsible for your own success, nobody is coming to save you or hold your hand in whatever aspect of life, especially if you are a man. It’s simply about handling things in a correct way and not make something a bigger problem than it needs to be.
Now go do what’s necessary to achieve your goals, give it your all, however, do so mindfully. If you cannot change a certain situation that won’t be beneficial to your goals, pick up your good habits as soon as possible and don’t sweat it. If an important even takes place, enjoy it and make beautiful memories. Achieving a magnificent physique can be done in an enjoyable way where you live your life to the fullest. My advice is to not suffer unnecessarily. If you can achieve great things in an enjoyable way, why not do so?
Kevin Mahjoubi